Too bad we can’t assemble any more. Remember proms? Basketball games? Remember going to the movies?
Helicopters are flying low over the casitas, yurts, teepees and trailers, seeking illegal stashes of toilet paper. And now that schools are closed for ever, here’s an American history lesson, in fact and meme:
My country tis of toilet paper, sweet land of toilet paper, to toilet paper I sing.
Benjamin Franklin invented toilet paper.
The midnight ride of Paul Revere was to warn of the imminent danger of a toilet paper shortage.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men need toilet paper.
Taxation without toilet paper is tyranny.
Liberty, justice and toilet paper for all.
1848: Toilet paper discovered in California.
When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for toilet paper…
I pledge allegiance to toilet paper.
One nation under toilet paper.
One small roll for a man, one giant 8-pak for mankind.
Nothing to fear but the shortage of toilet paper itself.
This toilet paper is your toilet paper, this toilet paper is my toilet paper, from California to the New York Islands, from the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream Water, this toilet paper was made for you and me.
Little known fact: Betsy Ross originally designed the flag with the stars staying as we know them but instead of stripes there was the image of a roll of toilet paper.
Toilet paper: What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming.
Oh say does that toilet paper yet wave
O’er the land of the ultra plush and the home of the angel soft.
Gave proof through the night that our toilet paper was still there. The greatest, most powerful empire in the history of the planet brought to its knees by toilet paper; the armies of monarchy, fascism and communism couldn’t do it, but toilet paper could.
© 2020 Randy Stark