One person’s clutter is another person’s treasure … and unfortunately, these opposites often seem to wind up married to each other. Be that as it may, let’s take a jaunt through the zodiac and see who hoards, who’s just a packrat, who likes everything in its place, and who can’t find anything without a bloodhound and searchlight.

Aries: March 21-April 19

Messy, bossy and clever enough to talk others into cleaning up the kitchen after the Aries is the chef du jour. Apt to lose things and buy a replacement rather than “waste time” hunting for the lost tool, sock or spouse. Figures the missing item will turn up eventually. Their dresser drawers show their mother was frightened by a packrat.

Taurus: April 20-May 20

Practical and content to have the very best in clothes and jewelry but also willing to put in the time to keep said items well-cared for and still lovingly worn after many years. Tends to keep sentimental items, sometimes long after the original spark has died. Likes to collect antiques, rare first editions and may even restore an old car or two.

Gemini: May 21-June 21

Hither, thither and yon, The Twins scatter their bon mots, their possessions and their money in nearly equal measure. Not much for keeping any item for more than a week or two (this can also include a love interest) and prefer happily charging ahead into the next adventure. Don’t ever loan them your credit card.

Cancer: June 22-July 22

Here is the sign par excellence for keeping and treasuring those old family photos, Grandma’s tea pot with the broken (but mended) spout, junior’s report cards and Dad’s old bowling trophies. If one complete set of encyclopedias as good, two are even better – but DeBrett’s Peerage will have a place on the shelf first.

Leo: July 23-August 22

Anything that glitters is attractive to a Leo, but they’re also practical enough to make sure it’s a real diamond or true troy weight before getting too impressed. And they are generous towards their family and friends -they’ll borrow money from someone else before admitting to not having a twenty for a friend in need.

Virgo: August 23-September 22

All the Doomsday Preppers can’t be Virgos, but there sure seem to be a lot of them practicing this form of extreme savings. Don’t open closet doors or explore the cellar without taking them as a guide. Otherwise you may get lost boxes of peanut butter, gallons of dishwashing liquid and enough HazMat suits to outfit the family.

Libra: September 23-October 22

Really, the subject of nuclear annihilation isn’t cheerful, and the Libra would prefer discussing the latest beach wear or top chef. Not apt to hoard items or money, but using up the last bar of soap and forgetting to buy more after shopping the entire mall isn’t an unusual occurrence. They can charm you into going to the store for them, though.

Scorpio: October 23-November 21

If something needs to be hoarded in secret, be assured a Scorpio already has it several times over. It may be something as practical as cans of tuna or Spam, or enough artillery to start a small war … but you and the rest of the world won’t know about it until the need for their supply is evident.

Sagittarius: November 22-December 21

It’s really hard for the Archer to save money, and having more food in the house than needed for the next meal never enters their mind. Not able to leave the house because of a blizzard finds them woefully unprepared – but they’ll survive on popcorn and fishsticks for a weekend and laugh about it.

Capricorn: December 22-January 19

If the Sea Goat can figure out how to hoard money at home and in the bank, they’ll do it. They like plenty of necessities lining the cupboards but don’t plan on sharing with anyone other than family in the event of a real emergency. But they do keep their head in a crisis. A good person to put in charge of a neighborhood shelter.

Aquarius: January 20-February 18

Money, time, clothing and anything else needed should be shared among all assembled in whatever shelter is available during a disaster. Expect the Aquarius to be chosen as the distributor of the supplies and to be extremely fair about it. No one will starve or freeze on their watch. Kids will be played with, dogs walked and folks reassured.

Pisces: February 19-March 20

A sad story will gain someone the shirt off their back, whether it fits or not. They’ll drive a neighbor to work, walk the kids home from the library or help the elderly man find his missing cat – but they don’t have cash to loan or give anyone. Budgets are beyond their comprehension. And their bills always surprise them by arriving every month.

Admit it – haven’t we all shared a shudder at an episode about extreme hoarders or watched as an old storage unit is opened with a dramatic flourish? We’re all nosy humans, after all.    – MZ